I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
