were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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