Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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