It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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