but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
