i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
