guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
