I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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