He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
