I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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