A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
