Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
