I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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