We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
