Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
