Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
