Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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