So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
