Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
