At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
