An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
