hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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