i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
