dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
