i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
