So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
