We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
