Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
