I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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