I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
