Just fell off a train. Bad.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm bleeding and have questions
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
