why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
