she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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