cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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