she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
