So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
