He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
