where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
