Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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