forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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