yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
