dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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