the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
