she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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