Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can text with my tongue
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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