Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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