I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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