Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
