Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
