Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
