Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
