Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
