Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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