I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
