And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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