Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
